I am the teacher...
who was interviewed on a podcast
who is determined to write a book
who was asked to write a classroom vignette for a book that's been currently published
whose idea was published in the Instructor Magazine
who posts opinionated thoughts on a blog
who professionally tweets on Twitter
who provides writing PD for other teachers
who has a solid reputation in her district
And yet I am the teacher...
who messes up on a fairly regular basis
who reads professional books that have yet to find a way into her practice
who struggles with engaging all her learners
who doesn't stay on top of the newest children's literature
who has the largest range of abilities she's ever experienced and knows she's not reaching everyone
who doesn't handle every conflict in the classroom with grace
who recognizes that she allows the clock too much influence in her room
who is embarrassed to even speak about some of her struggles
And the list goes on.
The bottom half of this list can be so very suffocating at times that it's difficult to even breathe in the possibility that I can be both teachers at the same time.
When I am in a state of feeling overwhelmed about the teacher who still battles with what seems like the most basic concepts, I have difficulty acknowledging all that I have accomplished.
When others sing my praises, the voice inside whispers, "If you only knew."
I'm reminding myself, and maybe someone else, to acknowledge and celebrate. Regie Routman says that celebration is at the heart of her best teaching, and maybe it's possible that teachers need to celebrate themselves too.
I hope to always be the teacher who does extraordinary things, but I will also always be the teacher who must grow beyond what I know.
Today, right now, I strive to be okay with the difference between these two teachers, because they can and do coexist.
What a brave and profound post. I have those same thoughts and insecurities. I often drive home thinking about all the places where I missed an opportunity or made the wrong decision in a situation. But I do think everyone has those moments-whether they admit or not.
ReplyDeleteMiss Trayers, I have those same conversations with myself on the way home. My drive is fairly short, so oftentimes they follow me into the house too. :)
DeleteOh and I would LOVE to read your book! :)
ReplyDeleteI would LOVE for you to read my book. :)
DeleteI am convinced that only the very best teachers are able to see both versions of themselves.
ReplyDeleteLaur, you're very good at reminding me about my best self. Sometimes it's easier to see the other.
DeleteYou still deserve every accolade you have ever been given! It's because of the heart and intent behind your teaching. I love your honesty and your heart!
ReplyDeleteThank you Anita. Thank you for being one of my cheerleaders.
DeleteI love this post and I love that we all have struggles. Life would be boring if we were all perfect.
ReplyDeleteBarb, life is definitely not boring for sure. Thanks for sharing my struggles and accomplishments all these years now.
Delete"The bottom half of this list can be so very suffocating at times that it's difficult to even breathe in the possibility that I can be both teachers at the same time."
ReplyDeleteI know just what you mean. I'm working on letting that feeling go. Lovely to see you again.
Hi Kimberley! It's definitely lovely to see you again. Thank you for coming by and sharing your take on this post as well.
DeleteBeautifully written, friend. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us.
ReplyDeleteLori, thank you for faithfully supporting my blog and quest for better practices!
Delete