Sunday, December 13, 2015

Thief of Joy

This has been the kind of year where nothing in my classroom feels typical. It seems like my 26 kids and I are in an alternate universe where skills and behavior don't fit the pattern my head and heart have come to expect after doing this job for 22 years. 

Of course, every year is different with ever-changing variables. I'm accustomed to this change each August when I'm dealt a new hand. In fact, I expect it. Yet I can still count on some tried and true typical skill-sets and behaviors...until this year. 

I've turned my schedule upside down and rearranged my whole day. 
I've searched out better practices.
I've read too many professional books. (Yes, I think there's such a thing.)
I've put a hold on some major pieces of my curriculum, because this crew is just not ready. (This kills me.)
I've spent countless hours racking my brain how to meet their needs better.
I've cried out for help.
I've blamed myself.
I've wept.

It's a difficult thing when typical meets reality, and they don't see eye to eye. It has a way of turning one's little world upside down. At least that's how it's felt for me. Yet I'm continually reminded of these words:


comparison is the thief of joy

I'll be the first to admit, and it's probably fairly obvious after reading the above 214 words, that though I put on a big smile for my kids, joy has been elusive this year. I know it's because I'm holding tightly to what should be, instead of what is. Though this is still a huge struggle, I'm feeling the beginnings of a shift. I believe some of my little people and their skills are preparing to take off soon, and everything in me cries out to leave typical behind and run like the wind with them. Towards joy.


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20 comments:

  1. Dear Tammy,
    I am so sorry to hear of your struggles. I am going through a rough year too and I can't pinpoint what is so different. Your kids are so very lucky to have you supporting them. When the breakthroughs come they will be that much sweeter. Please make sure you are taking care of yourself too. Merry Christmas! Lyn

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    1. Lyn, thank you for encouraging me. I'm sorry to hear that you're experiencing a similar season. I know I could say the same for your little one. They too are so very lucky.

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  2. I had a year like that last year. Just a tough little group. Honestly, it was a long year. This year is like a breath of fresh air most days. We can all tell that you are one of the best, and that will be a blessing to them. Reading your posts is such a treat. When you have days that you feel you aren't reaching your students, know that you are reaching all of us! Enjoy your Christmas break!
    Ann

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    1. Ann, thank you for blessing me with your sweet words. I'm honored to know that my posts are meaningful. That was a timely reminder.

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  3. I hope you know you are not alone even though it may feel like it when our doors are closed and we are teaching our hearts out. You are fighting for those kids and that is going to make all the difference in the end.

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    1. Em, thank you so much for your encouragement. Fortunately, I've had many people come to my aide. I'm not used to crying out for help, but I've found that I can't do this by myself.

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  4. I am so sorry that this year has been such a struggle. There is no one better for your little students than you. I hope Christmas break will be a restful and recharging time for you.
    Lori
    Conversations in Literacy

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    1. Lori, thank you for this. I'm planning on taking full advantage of my two weeks off. I'm just hoping my little people don't forget anything important while we're apart. :)

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  5. Run, young one, run like the wind. Run when it's hard, and rest when you need to. Believe in your seed and in the God who called you for this purpose. I know joy is going to be yours again.

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    1. Laur, thank you for your thorough encouragement, straight from God's heart.

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  6. You are an inspirational teacher to more teachers than you will ever know about. I fully believe that each child was placed in your room this year for a reason... to have you blessing their little lives. You are reaching them and you will see results, just not on your timeline. I know by reading your posts that you are a master teacher. Continue running to that joy~

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    1. Thank you for this unexpected encouragement. Your words, though anonymous, are so appreciated.

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  7. I hope you're getting lots of support, Tammy. Classes like that can be very draining.
    Wishing you joy. You deserve it!

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    1. Barb, thankfully I am getting some support. One day I made a list of all the ways I'm being helped. It was kind of daunting to see how much work it's taking to pull this off, but it was also reassuring that I'm not alone.

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  8. I agree with the sentiments above. I echo that you are a source of inspiration to me and I have "stolen" your ideas many, many times! I can totally relate to looking for new tools to deal with new obstacles. I think it's a testament to your ability that you are willing to change up your ideas to do what's best for your kiddos. Hang in there! :)

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    1. Miss Trayers, thank you for supporting and encouraging me. I do appreciate your faith in me.

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  9. I'm with you, girl, though I don't have the years of experience to rely on or compare to. Im finding joy in small victories right now. Hope you can do the same and hang in there!

    Crystal

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    1. Crystal, Your advice is perfect. I've recently found some joy in small victories and hoping for more of those.

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  10. Tammy,
    I am reading your post and it brings me back to a year in which I didn't think I could survive. Thank goodness these kiddos have you as a first grade teacher! The quote you shared resonates so much with me it is applicable with so many conversation I have with teachers...I am writing it down! Melissa

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    1. Melissa, It's a quote that continues to remind me of perspective and how I need to work on mine. Thank you for dropping by. :)

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